If you missed, or would like to review, the first twelve articles of this series please click on the newsletter of your choice. These newsletters cover Emotional Energy (18), Stress (19), Self-Esteem (20), Optimism (21), Work (22), Detail (23), Change (24), Courage (25), Direction (26), Assertiveness (27), Tolerance (28), and Consideration (29).

Sociability: ‘Bah Humbug’ is a salutation that almost everyone is familiar with and knows what it means. And, everyone knows that Ebenezer Scrooge was not a very sociable or likeable person. However, we also know that Tiny Tim changed all that.

But, can people change that much just because a few ghosts come for a visit? Sociability is probably the most flexible, or moldable, trait that human beings possess. But, while we may be able to act differently for a short time when people or ‘ghosts’ are around (personality), our character is not so easily changed. Personality is how we act when we know others are looking but character is how we act when we think no one is looking. And, therein lies the value of the Simmons Survey—it measures a person’s character–not their personality.

Although sociability is the most flexible of the character traits discussed in our hiring and coaching reports, it is still valuable in helping to determine how well a person is going to meet the demands of a particular role in the workplace. There is no ideal level of sociability except when it is being compared to the needs of a particular role. For example, it would be very difficult for a highly social person to work as a night security guard while it would be more difficult for a person who is uncomfortable around others to work as part of a team.

On the low end of the sociability scale is the solitary worker. This kind of person could best be typified by a lady on the reality program, Air Alaska.

She ran a hunting camp well above the Arctic Circle and only interacted with people when supplies were delivered or hunters came to her camp for a brief period of time. Most of us could not handle that much isolation from others but she seemed to be very comfortable in her solitary world and, therefore, was well suited for that job. But, there is unlikely to be a position in most organizations for a person with such a need for isolation from others. There are people who prefer to be left alone and would be very content working in a ‘dark corner of the basement’ where they seldom had to interact with any other staff members. But, this is unlikely to be the situation in most office settings. Strangely enough, these people can often be very superficially friendly and jovial but, as soon as they have reached their limit of dealing with people, they are ready to go off by themselves and may even retreat to their office and close the door behind them.

This kind of person quickly tires when required to have much interaction with others and, in many cases, they prefer to focus on achieving results rather than on developing relationships in the workplace. In the right job, a person who prefers to focus on results while avoiding others as much as possible might be valuable to an employer. But, many jobs require that an employee is able to build a relationship with others in order to be most effective. For example, the best leaders are able to gain their subordinates’ respect while also being able to develop a favorable relationship with them in order to get the best from them.

The people at the other end of the social spectrum have a strong need to be around others. They are usually outgoing, friendly, and easy for others to like. This likeability can be invaluable in a worker but a need to be liked can actually interfere with a person’s productivity. Quite often, this type of person does not manage their time very well because they are too focused on remaining popular rather than on being a responsible and productive employee.

Any job in any organization likely has an optimal level of sociability required for the individual to achieve the greatest level of success. If the individual does not have enough sociability, they may try to avoid talking with people or developing enough of a relationship with others to offset any difficulties that arise in the workplace. This is especially important for managers who need to be able to balance being liked with being respected.

The success of most organizations and businesses is largely dependent upon being able to provide good customer service so finding employees that can fulfill this need is of utmost importance. The optimal level of sociability for providing good customer service is usually slightly above the midline of the spectrum. This enables an individual to make a good impression on someone with their social abilities while also being able to achieve their job-related objectives. People who fall at the high end of the spectrum tend to waste time interacting with others while those on the low end have trouble effectively interacting with people. And, both of these extremes may actually turn people off rather than win them over.

When hiring, an employer must keep in mind what is necessary to successfully fulfill the demands of a particular job and which is most important—results or customer service, teamwork or individual contributions. Determining how social a person is can be difficult during a job interview because some people are showing their personality rather than their character. But, the Simmons Personal Survey is like an x-ray that can help employers see the true person, or the character of the person, sitting across the desk during an interview.

On the lighter side God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

If you missed, or would like to review, the first eleven articles of this series please click on the newsletter of your choice. These newsletters cover Emotional Energy (18), Stress (19), Self-Esteem (20), Optimism (21), Work (22), Detail (23), Change (24), Courage (25), Direction (26), Assertiveness (27) and Tolerance (28).

Consideration: Have you ever heard of the Ethic of Reciprocity -often called the Golden Rule in Christianity? It simply states that we are to “treat other people as we wish to be treated”. Although that sounds wonderful, the truth is that I may not want to be treated in the same manner as you do. That leaves us in a quandary unless we follow another similar rule that I will introduce later in this newsletter.

Everyone is designed to fulfill their needs, whether they want to admit it or not. In our reports, we refer to consideration as how understanding, thoughtful, helpful, honest, and responsible a person is. Although this sounds like it should be straightforward, it really is not. There are two extreme positions that are part of some people’s character make-up. One is “I do not do anything for anyone unless I benefit” and the second is “I do everything for everyone so I can benefit”. Although each of these extreme positions is done for different reasons, the result is not very different.

However we behave with people is the result of how we feel about them. Emotionally intelligent people are always aware of the way they are interacting with others while those with extreme levels of consideration are doing what it takes to satisfy their own compelling needs without having any idea about how their behaviors affect those around them. Is it possible to live under a delusion? You bet, and a lot of people do exactly that every day of their lives.

We review a lot of surveys of potential employees who we often refer to as being the “overly helpful type of person” . While many other character traits are involved in this type of person’s behaviors, consideration tends to be one of their stronger motivators. Their level of consideration is at the extreme high end of the scale so they tend to be externally controlled by this character need, driving them to do things for others whether the other person wants their help or not. Have you ever had someone interject him/herself into what you are doing but, instead of appreciating their efforts, you feel they are interfering with what you are doing? Most of these people think they are being kind, helpful, sacrificing, etc., which really just helps to make them feel better about themselves while doing little to benefit the other person.

If someone has really low consideration, they may feel guilty about taking advantage of others but do it anyway. They can find reasons to justify their actions to make themselves feel better, but it does not change the outcome. Most of those reasons come from other character traits and, if those traits are ‘out of kilter’, they may not feel any remorse for their actions at all. Although these people do not really care about they way they affect others, they can often come across as being very nice and helpful which helps them to take advantage of others.

Although I do not have any empirical evidence, I believe that a lot physicians who are sued have poor ‘bedside manners’ and little true concern for others’ feelings, leaving the patient with a ‘bad taste’ about the care they received. Personally, I would much rather have a surgeon or lawyer who wants to be successful for their own purposes than one who needs to be liked. But, I don’t want to be associated with anyone who is ‘just in it for the money’ because that could lead to a bad result for me. Every role has an appropriate level of consideration associated with it and the wrong level can have serious consequences on how the person handles their responsibility.

Anyone with too much consideration tends to spend too much time worrying if they are doing enough for others or trying to please others rather than staying focused on their responsibilities. But, having too little consideration can lead to people hurting others. They can say offensive things or, if someone also has a low work ethic, they might take shortcuts that could hurt others in many ways, depending upon the kind of work they do. In general terms, anyone in leadership should have a moderate level of concern for others but not enough to interfere with their responsibilities. Professionals who must render opinions or perform their work on, or for, other people should have enough concern to be empathetic but not so much as to be sympathetic.

Each of us was designed to fulfill our needs but the way we go about doing that is what makes us unique. A truly emotionally intelligent and considerate person attempts to get what they need out of life without doing any harm to anyone else. However, many of our other character traits influence our consideration and increase the guilt we feel about the way we deal with people, regardless of what we do.

If you want to really strive towards being that well-balanced, emotionally intelligent person, consider The Platinum Rule as a good way to interact with people. The Platinum Rule states “treat others as they wish to be treated.” That is probably true consideration.

If you missed, or would like to review, the first ten articles of this series please click on the newsletter of
your choice. These newsletters cover Emotional Energy (18), Stress (19), Self-Esteem (20), Optimism (21), Work (22), Detail (23), Change (24), Courage (25), Direction (26) and Assertiveness (27).

Tolerance: a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one’s
own. Can you imagine a world in which everyone possessed this character trait? If every person had a ‘fair, objective, and permissive attitude towards opinions and practices that differ from one’s own’, would there ever be a war or any kind of conflict? Tolerance is something that everyone needs to aspire to, but could it be possible to be too tolerant?

Well, you have probably heard the phrase, “tolerant to a fault” and, indeed, being too tolerant is not a
healthy behavior. In the Simmons Personal Survey, we often see a hiring candidate who has an extremely
high level of tolerance and, more often than not, this person is also going to have an unreasonable amount of stress in his/her life. So, how could having so much of such a good trait create stress for someone?

The overly tolerant person has a need to get along with everyone, but how realistic is that? Can a person
‘grow’ or be a productive part of society if they always go along with everyone else’s ideas? In order to get along, the overly tolerant person is willing to control their anger in order to ‘keep the peace’. While this person may be very pleasant to work with, they can actually be difficult to manage because of their reluctance to openly discuss an issue that is bothering them. It is very difficult for overly tolerant people to be in control of their lives and it is very easy for others to take advantage of them.

Being unable to openly to express anger and, therefore, being unable to resolve issues is not a good thing. Over time, internalizing anger will increase the amount of stress a person is feeling to the point that it manifests itself in the form of a health issue. Or, one day, the ‘dam could burst’ and a pleasant, easygoing person ‘lets go’ with either a verbal or physical flood of anger. This kind of behavior is often referred to as “going postal”. Others may not even realize that the person is angry but there will usually be some seminal event that triggers the anger to the point that the person can no longer control their emotions. By not being able to discuss things that upset them, it becomes harder for coworkers or family members to understand them or to help them resolve issues that are upsetting them.

On the other end of the spectrum is the intolerant person. The intolerant person lacks patience or under-
standing and, quite often, they are also very assertive people so others will usually know ‘where they stand’. However, some may learn to ‘cut a wide path’ around this kind of person, knowing that they have a ‘short fuse’. But, occasionally you see the intolerant person who is not very assertive so others may witness his/her anger through their actions rather than by their words, which makes them a little harder ‘to read’. In a perfect world, everyone would have a fairly moderate level of tolerance which would enable a person to be appropriately understanding of others’ actions without letting them take advantage of him/her. But, with that being said, having some tolerance is very important in meeting the demands of some jobs whereas being somewhat intolerant is more appropriate for other roles. A person’s level of tolerance is one of the key things to consider when trying to match the right person to the right job.

Any kind of customer service role requires a certain level of tolerance. Being a patient listener and capable of making someone feel that he/she is valued is very beneficial when dealing with the public. A good customer service person can be ‘worth their weight in gold’ to a company. But, what about the person who is expected to be in charge of running a profitable department or organization? Can they afford to tolerate poorly performing employees who consistently fail to ‘hold up their end of the bargain’? Can they keep their frustrations to themselves rather than addressing the issues that is pulling a company down? If they did, then they would not be doing their job.

It is easy to upset those with little tolerance and to disappoint those with too much but, when dealing with people, one should always remember the following saying by German philosopher, Andrew Nietzsche. “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

If you missed, or would like to review, the first nine articles of this series, please click on the newsletter of your choice. These newsletters cover Emotional Energy (18), Stress (19), Self-Esteem (20), Optimism (21), Work (22), Detail (23), Change (24), Courage (25), and Direction (26) .

Assertiveness – A friend of mine, who happens to be a very mild mannered man, is married to a woman who likes bossing him around. So, he decided to talk with a psychiatrist about how he could stand up to his wife. After discussing his situation, the psychiatrist recommended a book on assertiveness.

By the time my friend reached home, he had finished the book and decided he would show his wife that he had become a very different person. He walked up to his wife, pointed a finger at her face, and said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and, when I am finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw my bath so I can relax. After I have finished my bath, guess who is going to dress me and comb my hair?”

His wife replied, “The funeral director.”

I guess we could say my friend may have become more assertive but he certainly was not very emotionally intelligent!

Assertiveness is a core verbal communication skill and being an effective communicator is a key trait in developing successful relationships in both the workplace and at home. Unfortunately, many of us do not do a good job in this area, making it difficult for others to understand what we mean and possibly resulting in miscommunication and a lot of problems. People with a low level of assertiveness can have difficulty expressing themselves effectively, but people with too much assertiveness may not be effective either.

As we have stated many times before, no one character trait stands alone. In other words, there is not a perfect level of assertiveness because it is affected by a person’s other character traits, especially their tolerance and consideration. Although being able to express one’s feelings is important in all areas of someone’s life, a person with low assertiveness can still be very successful in the workplace, depending on the rest of their character make-up and the job they are doing. Many people who are considered ‘worker bees’ and are the ‘backbone’ of many companies often have a low level of assertiveness and they are often also rather considerate and tolerant people.

But, this person can sometimes actually be harder to manage because of their inability to express how they really feel. They often simply agree with anything that is said, even when they are in total disagreement or when it makes them very angry. Over time, this can result in pent up anger and stress, which can eventually manifest itself in different ways. This person may choose to get away from the stress by seeking a new job, or they could develop health issues over time if they do not find some way to vent their anger. Some, especially those who have lower optimism, may learn to manage their stress by complaining to everyone but the people who could actually solve the problem. Or, the most extreme result could be someone who explodes in an emotional rage—think ‘going postal’.

On the other end of the spectrum is the highly assertive person who uses their verbal skills to push people to do what they want. If this person is also somewhat tolerant and considerate of others, they can use their verbal skills to effectively deal with others and to be successful in the work force. Often these people handle others using a ‘steel fist in a velvet glove’ that allows them to schmooze people in order to get what they want from them.

However, often those who are highly assertive lack tolerance and consideration and use aggressive behaviors to get what they want. The biggest difference between highly skilled sales people and some criminals is how they feel about people. A successful sales person uses his verbal and people skills to achieve their objectives and to get what they need from others.

But, consider Ponzi king, Bernie Madoff. This man is likely someone who is very assertive (very strong verbal skills) but cared little about people (very low consideration) so it did not bother him to bilk people out of billions of dollars as long as it provided the lifestyle he wanted. While he used his verbal skills to rob people, someone else who lacks that ability may, instead, use a gun.

The highly assertive person with poor people skills can make life difficult for those working around them and can have a hard time fitting into the work environment. But, those who do have good people skills are able to be more diplomatic and a more effective leader.

“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others.” Sharon Anthony Bower

If you missed or, would like to review, the first four articles of this series that cover Emotional Energy (18), Stress (19), Self-Esteem (20), Optimism (21), Work (22), Detail (23), Change (24), Courage (25).

Direction — Some years ago, I met a college professor at a weekend seminar and, during a ‘break the ice’ kind of conversation, she shared that she hated being a mathematics professor. Since I have no great love of math myself, I could certainly understand that, but what I could not understand was why she chose that career path.

Her answer stunned me. During a freshman college math course, the professor told her she was not a good math student. That was enough of a challenge to push her to prove that professor wrong. She changed her major to math, got her masters, and was working on her doctorate. The woman hated her profession but was continuing her education in the same field.

She was so challenge-oriented that it actually overwhelmed her sense of direction in life. Therefore, rather than making a decision on what career she wanted to pursue, she let a challenge lead her down the wrong path. I am certain that life was difficult for her and that she was feeling a lot of stress because she was obviously not well suited to her career choice.

Her survey would undoubtedly show someone who has high courage and lower direction. She is probably that indecisive person who asks, “Where do you want to get lunch?” preferring that someone else make that decision. People with low self-direction prefer working in a supportive job environment where there are strict procedures to follow. And, they need a lot of time to study a situation and to talk it over with others before making a decision. Or, they procrastinate long enough that someone else has to intervene and make the decision for them.

Hesitant people (low direction) can become overstressed very quickly when they are required to work independently and show initiative in the workplace. Although the college professor apparently had high courage, those with low direction often lack an acceptable level of courage and can actually put a burden on their coworkers since they need a lot of ‘handholding’. And, if they have high work and detail, they probably need a more than average amount of training on how to do their job.

The college professor had too much courage and too little direction. However, many with such high courage often have too much self-direction. Their need to control makes them difficult to deal with because they have little interest in hearing what others think and we often give them titles such as ‘autocratic’. These people are not very flexible, feel that “it’ s my way or the highway” and, therefore, do not learn from their mistakes.

The manner in which people exhibit their overly controlling nature is dependent on the combination of their other character traits and can be seen in one of two ways. Controlling people may function like a dictator who listens to no one and who can make life very difficult for everyone trying to work with them. Or, some are unable to openly gain control so they resort to manipulating people and situations by doing things covertly and this behavior is often referred to as ‘Machiavellian’.

An appropriate level of self-direction is the second linchpin in the leadership trifecta (courage, direction, assertiveness). The decisive person uses their emotional energy to analyze problems and formulate opinions before making a decision. They are self-reliant in the workplace but seek help when necessary. The appropriate combination of courage and direction lets the individual manage him/herself effectively. Add the appropriate level of assertiveness and you have an effective leader.

P. S. Hiring turnover is the result of not putting the right person in the right job. The Simmons Survey allows me to assess how a potential candidate is going to function in the work environment. But, I do not always know exactly how the work environment needs him/her to function. Therefore, although there is a rating score in the summary of our hiring reports, it is imperative that the entire hiring report is read to determine if the candidate is a fit for your particular situation. And, remember, I am always willing to discuss the reports in order to help you make the best hiring decisions.

“One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I don’t know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesn’t matter.” Lewis Carroll.